good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
