I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
