I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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