I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
