Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
