420 ftw
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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