Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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