so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize