you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
pop tarts are not kleenex
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I would ride that face into the sunset
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
