you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
