The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
