She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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