im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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