I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
