I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just invented taco cereal.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize