it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
