problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
