its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
