My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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