I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
