So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Be still, my beating vagina.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
