I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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