I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
