im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
