Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize