OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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