Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
the day after is always just damage control
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
