you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
