so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize