VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
