babies were throwing up all over the place
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Randomize
