It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
