I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
