He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
