So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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