I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
it's like iHOP with fire
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
