I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
