things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
