there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
