ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
i believe in u and ur pee
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
