No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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