I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
