I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
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