So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
