xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
