dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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