I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
