I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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