I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
