Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
