You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
