i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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