my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
