oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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