She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
