Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
