honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I want to be your penis for a week.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
