If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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