i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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