Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
