highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
