Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
