I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
