Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
