If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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