omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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