I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
