Michael Bay diarrhea
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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