On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
